Late last night, in the aftermath of our experience, I spent a good deal of time reflecting. After coming home from the DMV, I already knew what our course of action would be: I would send an email to the major players for GLBTQI equality (i.e., the ACLU, Equality Texas, HRC, Marriage Equality USA, People for the American Way, et al.), entreating their assistance in the matter. If the law isn't on our side, then, at the very least, we can draw public attention to this incident to increase awareness of the injustices being perpetrated. And I did just that. I sent the email, and I blind copied it to a list of people Charlie and I regard as friends. Out of that list, only a single person took the time to write back and express support. Initially, I was both hurt and offended. But, after allowing those emotions to arise and pass through me, I began to ruminate at a deeper level regarding why our friends did not see fit to comment. Of course, some of them might not have received the email. But, they are all pretty "plugged in," so that's not likely. One or two might have had urgent family matters that took precedent. Definitely understandable. But what about the others? There were three primary reasons that came to mind: - They didn't feel that the name on our license was a big deal;
- They didn't feel like the issue affected them;
- They are apathetic toward the plight of GLBTQI Americans.
When you put what happened to Charlie and I yesterday in the context of what transpired in Haiti this week, even I'll concede that it seems trite. Tens of thousands of people are suffering, homeless, without the basic necessities of life. We cannot imagine the misery. My heart goes out to them. But, natural disasters aside, in the context of American ideals of liberty and justice, this is a HUGE deal. Why would the DMV downright refuse to do something as trivial as augment the surname on each of our licenses? It wasn't like I was going from Christopher Zenner to Amanda Rekonwith; I simple wanted to add "Tovar-" onto the front of my surname. Hell, Charlie wasn't even moving out of the T's! So, what we wanted to do really wasn't a big deal; what it represented was. The fact that two men want to adopt a common surname is apparently proof enough to the state of Texas that they are married, and in Texas, we feel like the relationship between two men is not the same as the relationship between a man and a woman, no matter how committed those two men are to one another. So, we've codified provisions against such behavior … TWICE—for good measure! The fact remains that Texas views its GLBTQI citizens as second-class; we do not merit the same rights and privileges as heterosexuals. And this extends to the country at large. Of course, the nation has a long-standing history of such conduct. Remember the Trail of Tears? How 'bout those Japanese internment camps in WWII? Are you beginning to understand why this isn't just about the names on our licenses?
Moving on to the second potential reason why our friends disregarded my email, I would like to reiterate what I just said: the United States of America has a lengthy history of oppressing unpopular minorities, and the unpopular minority has been subject to change over time: Native Americans, African Americans, women, Jews, Muslims, Japanese Americans, Mexican Americans, interracial couples, the disabled, individuals suspected of Communism, … This isn't an exhaustive list. GLBTQI Americans are on the hot seat today, and we'll likely stay here for awhile. But, what happens when you find yourself in the unpopular group—or you are merely suspected of belonging to the unpopular group, regardless of whether its true or not? Let's take it a step further: Most Germans who lived during the period leading up to WWII will admit that they never imagined living under a totalitarian regime that was committed to genocide. And, it didn't happen over night. Hitler was insidious, building his Killing Machine over time, baby step by baby step. Rev. Martin Niemöller, a Lutheran pastor imprisoned in Sachsenhausen and Dachau under Hitler, was one of the lucky few to survive the death camps. On May 5, 1945, he was liberated by the Allies and survived to pen these profound words:
First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist;Think it couldn't happen in the United States of America? Think again, my friends. Check out the USA Patriot Act, which has yet to be revoked by Congress. It was used liberally during W's "War on Terror" to imprison Americans without cause and without access to fair representation simply because they were suspected of terrorism. Sounds a lot like McCarthyism to me. And once you make a class of people evil in the eyes of the majority, it's not a huge step towards justifying torture and murder.
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out. (First, 2010)
I know that at least one of the friends on my recipient list is not apathetic to the plight of GLBTQI Americans. In fact, she's been an ally in the cause, but, at times, I've wondered if she isn't investing her energy in the wrong place. A dear soul, she has a gay son. She's also a devout Catholic. For years, she has worked within the Church to speak the truth about GLBTQI individuals. She's done a commendable job, and I know she's changed many heart and minds. But the institution, as a whole, continues to move backwards with regard to GLBTQI individuals. If you're gay and Catholic, well, just sit in the back pew, please, because you are "intrinsically disordered," and responsible for clergy molesting children. And, don't even think about going up for Communion if you're not utterly ashamed and repentant of your homosexuality. You think I'm kidding? I spent years as a Catholic until Maledict assumed the papacy. I knew then it was time to throw in the towel. But, back to my friend. In Maslov's Hierachy of Needs (see my post of Friday, July 10, 2009), spiritual needs are at the top, meaning that they come after all the other basic human needs: shelter, food, clothing, affection, intellectual stimulation, etc. Essentially, she's working at the top of the pyramid before the foundation has been built. We're still struggling to be seen as normal human beings. And the Church she is working to reform has poured millions of dollars into making certain that GLBTQI families are not recognized by civil law or afforded the same legal protections that heterosexual families are.
My friend and I share a similar conviction: the spiritual path is the most important journey we make in this lifetime. For this reason, however misguided I feel her efforts might be, I concede that she has a right to work for change where she feels called. No one can blame her for that. But, what about the rest of the posse? Maybe they're just too busy to get involved. Perhaps they have other stuff going on in their lives. Then there's the other possibility: they really are apathetic to GLBTQI issues. They aren't gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, or intersexed. Why should they care? Why should you care that the DMV wouldn't change the name on our damn licenses? Every day, in communities across the country, children get up, eat breakfast with their families, get a kiss from their parents, and get on buses to go to school. They're kids just like yours. They love their parents; their parents love them. But these kids are taught from a very early age that they are inferior because they belong to second-class families. These are the children who come from homes with two moms or two dads. Like it or not, there are thousands of them out there. And they grow up every bit as psychologically well-adjusted as your children. But, they grow up with something your kids will never have to experience: the fear that their families might be ripped apart and the idea that they are somehow inferior.
Let's say that you actually kinda like gay people. And, let's say that you even have a few as friends. Let's forget the kids for a moment. Do you have any idea what it's like to be told that the most important relationship in your life is "null and void," that you have no right to love the person for whom you'd give your life? Imagine that your spouse or other half were, G-d forbid, injured in an automobile accident and were incapacitated. Obviously, they would need you desperately in that moment. But imagine that the government actually prohibited you from making any type of medical decisions for him/her or even prevented you from seeing him/her? Can you even fathom what you might feel in that situation? It's a fear that GLBTQI people live with daily. Sure, there are Powers of Attorney. And, Charlie and I have that on our To Do lists in the very near future. At this point, though, I'm not even sure what damn name to use on the Powers of Attorney. According to the State of Iowa, I'm Christopher Tovar-Zenner, but in Texas, apparently I'm just Christopher Zenner. What happens if I have to use that document in Kansas?
In the end, this isn't about a name on a license. In the end, it's about fairness, equality, and justice. In the end, it's about treating people as human beings. In the end, it's about doing the right thing. Moreover, if they can abridge my rights today, they can take away yours tomorrow. And what then? What if I'm silenced by the all-powerful majority today, or worse … dead? Who will speak when they come for you? Until all Americans are treated as truly equal under the eyes of the law, this land will never realize the vision our forefathers had. We will never truly be the Land of the Free—just the land of the Free for Most. Is that what we really want? Do we always need a group to oppress? Do we always require that one group of human beings some how be less than we are?
In Judiasm, there is a concept expressed in Hebrew as tikkun olam, which means "repairing the world." As a Jew(2B), it is my obligation to do what I can to repair the world, to make it a better place, to create the Kingdom of G-d on Earth. Today, I have accepted that my part in tikkun olam is to fight to advance the rights of my GLBTQI brothers and sisters, their children and families. It took me a long time to get to this point, which is the reason I can be patient with my friends; they're good people, and, I know they have the best of intentions. As I struggle to repair the world, focusing on a single injustice, I work to create the kind of world where no one has to worry about being treated inequitably. In G-d's eyes, we are all His/Her children. In pursuing this end, I hope for the day "… when all of God's children—black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, [gay people and straight people]—will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: 'Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!'" (I Have, 2010, "Key excerpts," No. 9). On that day, G-d will look at the world and smile and say, "It is good."
Shabbat shalom, everyone.
References
First they came.... (2010, July 23). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved July 25, 2010, from http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=First_they_came...&oldid=374966166
I Have a Dream. (2010, July 19). In Wikipedia, The Free Encyclopedia. Retrieved July 25, 2010, from http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=I_Have_a_Dream&oldid=374353869
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